Gollumn and his precious…self
I’ve taken an interesting turn on my road to MBSR trainer – I’m on a streatch that’s suddenly pretty lonley. Being a teacher in training requires giving meditations and the proces as well as its effects a lot of attention and time. Maybe this is the reason I have begun to feel isolated from friends and family. Somehow though, I think it’s a symptom of coming into closer contact with myself.
When you look into yourself regularly, with no expectations and the intention to not judge but simply to meet what you see, the perspective is practically bottomless. You see that stories you have told yourself about the way you are, the things you can and can’t do, the things you like and those that scare you, are all literary works of fiction authored by your thinking mind. But not by the „you” that is the sum of all your inherent parts: your mind, your body, your heart. When you put those parts together you get a living, pulsing spark that twinkles. By that I mean – it changes. It shifts. It’s lighter, darker, stronger, weaker. Being alive means being in flux.
This becomes clear when you look into your mind and heart one day and find strong convictions, optimism, and a sense of direction and then the next day find all those things in an uproar. Your precious (think Golumn) „self” is a boat being tossed about by many different types of weather. So how can one story be true for long about a being that is in a constant state of change? It can’t. It’s true for a moment. And then it grows, morphs, unulates and takes on a different form.
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